By Donna Marrin

Still have your Nurse Ratched shoes on? Good. Finish your coffee and let’s get at it.

Day 2, Step 1

1. Turn your attention toward the piles of “bonfire kindling” on the floor. (You might need another coffee at this point, but gulp fast. We have work to do.) Let’s start with the pile that was on your shelving. 

2. See all those old magazines, catalogues, newspapers, etc., that you forgot you had until now? Drop them all into your recycling bin. All of them. Victoria’s Secret included. The same goes for everything else in the pile that you know deep down in your gullet you’ll never look at again in this lifetime, since you barely have enough time to read your own advertising, much less everyone else’s. 

3. Knickknacks are dust collectors. Unless you’re certain that the pawn shop around the corner would give you lots of fast cash for them (in the event that you needed lots of fast cash) or little Johnny or Judy made them for you at school (priceless), they’re history. Get rid of them.

 4. Put all reference books and important manuals back up on your shelves—but not your J.R.R. Tolkien boxed set. Take that home, please. All loose-leaf reference materials may also be returned to your shelves, only after you have hole-punched and sorted the whole shebang into neatly labeled binders. 

Brief Pause

You might want to chew a big handful of those gourmet, chocolate-covered espresso beans right about now. Maybe even two handfuls.

Step 2

1. Face the pile of desk-drawer stuff on your floor. Sit down in front of it and get comfortable because you have to sort through all of it. (Might as well pull the garbage can over now too.) 

2. Set aside your stapler, staple remover, box of staples, elastic bands, paper clips, scissors, box of pens/pencils/markers, letter opener, pushpins, highlighters, tape, post-it notes/notepad, correction tape and glue. If you don’t already have one of those divided trays that fit in your drawer, go to Staples² and get one. (You’ve got exactly fifteen minutes—I’m timing you.)  

3. That was fast! Set the tray into your top drawer and sort all those supplies you set aside earlier into the little compartments. Now, doesn’t that look fab? You can find your scissors now without having to paw through old tissues and newspaper clippings and crushed packs of old soda crackers. 

Step 3

Keep the momentum going by turning immediately to the pile of paperwork you removed from your file drawer. (No more coffee beans, though; your foot tapping is really starting to get on my nerves.) 

1. Sort everything into two piles: SHRED and DON’T SHRED. 

2. Let’s work with the DON’T SHRED pile first, just in case you realize later that you put that million-dollar contract you just signed last week into the SHRED pile by mistake. 

3. Crack open the box of crisp, new file folders that you also picked up at Staples when you bought the desk drawer tray. Neatly label each one and file all your paperwork. Well lookee here—your file drawer’s so tidy, you’ve found clients you never knew you had! 

4. Now for the easy part. Pick up the SHRED pile, walk over to your shredder, and go to town. 

Step Five

We’re down to the final lap—the icing on the cupcake: a tidy desk top. 

1. Wipe down your telephone and place it—no, not inside your desk drawer!—within arm’s reach on your desk. 

2. Don’t even think about putting any of the trinkety doodads in the pile back on your desk. You know where to put them. So hop to it. 

3. You are permitted a framed photo or two of someone extra special (preferably, someone you are acquainted with). Better yet, hang them on the wall. The pictures. Hang the pictures on the wall. 

4. Make sure your computer monitor is placed at an eye-to-screen distance of at least 25” and the top of your monitor is slightly farther away from your eyes than the bottom. It’s important to protect yourself against eyestrain; your clients may get the wrong impression if you enter a meeting with your eyes crossed. 

5. Now there’s finally enough room for your daily planner/desk calendar—essential, otherwise, if you’re like me, you would never know which way you were coming or going on any given day. And, of course, the other office essential: your coffee mug (on a coaster, please). 

²The go-to place for the tools you need to keep you organized all 365 days!

Donna Marrin is a freelance Senior Writer/Editor specializing in corporate communications and advertising. She also founded and runs the Markham Village Writers. You can visit their website at www.markhamvillagewriters.com

By Donna Marrin

Is there anything more invigorating than working in an environment that you’ve clutter-busted? (Well, ok, yes, getting somebody else do the clutter-busting is a lot more invigorating, but that’s not our goal here. You’re on a budget, remember?)

Nurse Ratched

If you’ve been avoiding the big cleanout like it’s an Ebola plague, then I’m your Nurse Ratched and I’m here to give you your booster shot. I challenge you right now to:

1. Dig your calendar out from under the pile of refuse on your desk.
2. Choose one afternoon and one morning in the very near future that you know you can commit to.
3. Write Cleaning Day there in bold, black marker. 

(Keep in mind, you may need more than one afternoon and one morning, depending on your level of hoarding.) 

Got your new goal clear in your mind? Good. 

   4.   Now, get back to work.

***

Cleaning Day has arrived!

Hope you dressed comfortably—that means no seams that are pulling or stiletto heels¹. …Ok. Enough stalling. Chug your coffee and let’s get to work.

Day 1

1. Transfer everything on top of your desk onto the floor. 

2. Empty your drawers (your desk drawers) and make another pile on the  floor. 

3. Make a third pile on the floor by removing everything that you’ve jammed into your wall or book shelves. (For obvious reasons, you are not permitted to set fire to the massive pile on the floor, even though it would be tempting to

4. Use a good cleaner to scrub down your entire desk and eliminate all the coffee rings, ink splotches and remnants of Bolognese sauce left over from dinner at your desk the other night. Clean your keyboard tray as well. 

5. Next, wipe all the chip and cookie crumbs from inside your desk drawers. While you’re at it, use a can of pressurized air to blow out all the snack bits you’ve dropped into your computer keyboard over the past year.

6. Finally, sweep away the thick carpet of dust from your shelving (Wow! It’s not matte grey; it’s black acrylic!). No, you’re not done yet… Get a stepladder and do the ones at the top too, even though they’re eye level only to the NBA’s Yao Ming.

Ah, are you starting to smell the freshness? Spring is truly in the air! All right. That was the easy part. Go home and rest, and we’ll tackle the part you’ve been dreading in the morning…

Stay tuned for Part Two, Day Two tomorrow!

¹Note the shoes Nurse Ratched wore in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.  They are considered comfortable shoes when you need to clean or manage crazy people.

Donna Marrin is a freelance Senior Writer/Editor specializing in corporate communications and advertising. She also founded and runs the Markham Village Writers. You can visit their website at www.markhamvillagewriters.com